A Paradox Called Friendship
by Mr. Skiperdoo
Summary: Being a turret sucks. But what happens when one learns that friendship is best when not fully processed? Find out!


Author's notes: **You: "Hey there Mr. Skip, I was wondering why you completely abandoned your other story in order to make a dumb one-shot about… turrets."**

**Me: "What? You think I abandoned something? Let me tell you, I might not have too much time to write stories but I'm not desperate. Didn't you see how fast I'm updating? Don't expect it to keep going this fast, because before you know it, you'll be slamming your head on the keyboard in wait."**

**You: "Then why are you doing another story so quickly?"**

**Me: "For fun."**

**You: "Really?"**

**Me: "Yes, now shut up." **

X~X~X~X~X~

The mechanical arms made their way once again over towards the side to grab another piece. Their claw-like ends clinched another side panel, and turned once more to the conveyer belt over towards the side. They dutifully screwed it in place, and moved on to treat the next turret with the same care.

The recently manufactured turret began running through its automatic startup systems, programmed to run a quick check before the turret was taken over to the evaluation area. And so, the turret felt its first ever surge of energy erupt throughout its entire streamlined body. With the legs firmly in place, and the systems ready to begin scanning, the turret allowed itself the first vision test of its life.

A robotic sounding voice directed itself inside of the turret. "Hello there Aperture turret model #DT0056390/FBCONSTRUCT-7283 we're now running a full intelligence upload onto you're A.I. database. This will ensure your comprehension of logic and the world around you is more than the basic requirements that if not met will lead to disassembly."

The turret moved slowly through the conveyor belt. All around it was a row upon row of boxes, casting down the essence of darkness that blinded the turret.

"We are now headed towards your first understanding of the complex world we live in." The strange voice returned, now sounding a lot more reassuring than it was a few moments ago. The conveyor belt opened up into a vast expanse of other conveyor belts and turrets, all making their way towards the same general direction. "Upload complete. You should now understand the different laws of logic that govern our universe. If you don't however, please activate your redemption alarm so a service representative can direct you accordingly."

The turret gave a small delay. Its newly found logic system said that it did in fact understand itself, and therefore should not activate the alarm. It was strange though, scanning the different variables and opportunities it was missing out on. What if it was just thinking itself up? What if it didn't really exist in the first place? What if everything it was seeing was just a simulation? What if…

An intense jolt of artificial pain coursed its way through the turret. "OWWW!" The turret said, initiating the correct response determined by its processor.

"Pain self-test complete, now running loyalty test." The bizarre voice was now saying the strangest things. What exactly was going on? What on earth did it mean?

The conveyor belt suddenly deviated from its normal path, whisking the turret away from its seemingly designated path. The conveyor belt sped up for a couple of seconds, but stopped once it reached a pure white room with a peculiar looking logo standing upright in the center of the room. The turret wasted no time in identifying the logo's origin, and within only a tenth of a second, the database came up with a 98% accurate guess.

TARGET IDENTIFICATION VALUE1= APERTURE SCIENCE OFFICIAL LOGO

"This here represents the company. Say hello to the company."

"Hello." The turret responded without even thinking about it. Oddly enough, it just felt like a natural response, one that would without question be used in every instance such as this.

The Aperture logo gave off a bright flash, the flash of success. "Loyalty test complete, now running aggressive behavior examination. The turret was once more thrust aside in order to make room for the next arrival. The turret was then set inside another room, but this time it had another conveyor belt on the other side.

After a few seconds of lying around in the darkness, a light guided another turret positioned on the opposite side of the conveyor belt. The turrets stopped at the point in which they were directly facing each other.

"Hello." The newly discovered turret said.

"Hello."

The voice returned, this time however, speaking to two turrets at the same time instead of one. "Turret number one," the conveyor belt on the opposite side lit itself up, showing that the one on that side was indeed number one. "Turret number two has just stolen all of your bullets while you weren't looking. Please give the proper response to turret number two."

The other turret's bright red eye grew even brighter, a sign that it was processing a correct response. "I'm sorry." It answered, even though it was really turret number two that had supposedly stolen the bullets.

"I forgive you."

The two turrets stared at each other with their shining receptors. Both of them had been implanted with friendship systems, but they didn't have any formal knowledge on how to properly work them.

"I love you." Turret #1 said.

"I love you too." Turret #2 replied.

From the beginning, each of them knew it was the perfect friendship. None of them knew exactly how it went, but they were pretty sure of one thing, and that was they loved each other. It made them wish they had arms so they could lock themselves in a hugging position. The love was so difficult to comprehend, all they knew was that it was one that would never end, one that would stay with them as long as they lived.

The conveyor belt started moving again, and the two turrets stared at each other as the belt moved further down, into yet another room.

"We will now begin the most important test yet; the enemy recognition test." The two were turned around in their conveyer belts, so they were no longer facing each other. They appeared to be going in the same direction however, so at the moment, the fear of separation didn't matter.

The conveyor belt opened from the open space facility landscape, to a more confined area with, with a dummy standing at the other end.

"This here represents an Aperture science employee." The voice returned, directing the turrets attention towards the dummy resting on the wall.

PROCESSING… HOLD FIRE…

"Good, you know that Aperture Science employees are not things to be fired at. Please realize that test subjects are not the same as Aperture Science employees." The wall residing at the end of room suddenly flipped around, revealing another dummy. This one looked different however, its lab coat didn't contain an Aperture logo.

"This represents a Black Mesa-"

Again, without taking the time to properly process, the turret reacted as if it was completely natural. As it opened its side panels, and started to lay waste to the unfortunate dummy, the turret felt a rush of content. After a few seconds of sporadic firing, the side panels retracted, and the conveyor belt started to move again.

The belt looped around in order to make the turret face the other way. Once it returned to its former position, it saw a familiar site.

"Hello again."

"Heloooooo."

The two turrets, ecstatic that they just met each other, enjoyed the ride towards the next area. "I love you." They both told each other along the way.

After exactly 2.6 minutes had passed, the two noticed their belts were starting to somehow merge. They both watched as they were turned around to face what was now in front of them. Turret #1 moved in front a good ten feet from #2.

"I see you…"

The turret line moved further and further, until eventually they saw more and more turrets merging in front of them. They soon found themselves inside of a large complex, designed specifically to single out defective turrets. It looked pretty safe, as long as you weren't defective that is.

Turret #1 was scanned, and then given a few instructions. Next was #2's turn.

"Template: Hello. Response…"

Following the same motions achieved when tested loyalty, and when shown the Black Mesa dummy, the turret automatically gave the most instinctive, natural response.

"Hello."

Accepted, they were now in the clear. A feeling processed to be happiness made its way through the turret's central system. It didn't know why, but it gave a sort of fulfillment, something that needed to be constantly achieved in order to be content.

The turret lines once again split up, and before long, the two found themselves with each other once more.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"Processing… negative result."

The turrets stared at each other with their warmed receptors. They just wished their functions weren't so restricted. Then the possibilities would be almost endless. Just imagining what they could do if they were free nearly damaged their knowledge cores. If only they could be different.

"I'm different…" A voice could be heard from the end of the line. At the edge was an area where turrets were being shipped off to storage.

This was it, the moment they were waiting for. From now on, the two turrets would sit with each other, until one day they were to be put to use. Maybe they'd work together, shooting dummies for the rest of their lives.

They eventually reached the production line, which was a group of elevators that lifted turrets up in order to box them. Now it was their turn. As soon as they reached their circular platforms, they felt themselves being lifted up next to another group of robotic arms.

Turret 2 watched as his friend was boxed up at a rapidly productive pace, waiting with anticipation for the same to be done to it. However, a few seconds passed, and the turret was starting to get worried. It scanned all about for an answer.

"Warning, the turret production has sustained a critical error. Please stay still and wait for an Aperture representative to attend to the broken line."

The turret's logic processor noticed the fallacy hidden inside the instructions. Turrets had to stay still, that was all they could do.

The elevator suddenly boosted itself upwards, sending the turret towards a robotic arm that was frozen in place due to the error.

"OWWOWOWOWOW!" The turret collided with the metal arm, throwing it into a state of panic. "NOO. NOOOO!" It screamed as the elevator kept moving upwards, causing the turret to fall on its side.

The turret felt itself slipping off the edge more and more, until it reached the state where it couldn't stay any longer. The turret felt a strange feeling, one that it'd never experienced before. For a moment, just a moment, it was free… falling.

The last glimpse of light seen by the turret's receptors was the sight of itself, crashing into the metal floor below.

~X~X~X~X~X~

"Its interesting all right. Tell me, where did you find it again?"

"I was just walking through the maintenance walkway when I saw it lying on the ground." A young man replied. "I must've fell somehow."

"Can you give me its model number?"

"Sure." The young man removed the information compartment on the back of the turret. "Let's see here… Aperture turret model #DT0056390/FBCONSTRUCT-7283."

The other man he was talking to typed the number into a nearby computer. After a couple seconds of searching the computer came up with a response. "I'd say it's a couple days old." The man said, examining the turret's information database. "It seems to be in pristine shape, shame it had to be wasted." The man walked up to the turret, checking it from all sides. "You emptied the bullets, correct?"

"Yeah, it's empty."

The man flipped the turret around, and with his expert knowledge on their inner workings, he was able to wake the hibernating turret back up.

The turret's brightly lit eye flickered on, and its internal systems rebooted. "Hello."

The man moved in front of the turret. He knew it would take some time for the turret to recognize it was awake. "Good day defensive turret model 0056390." He said, inviting the turret into a friendly conversation. "That must've been a nasty fall you had there."

The turret took a few moments to process what was going on. It had identified an Aperture Science employee positioned directly in front of it. "Hello."

"Haha, these things are just absolutely adorable, aren't they Mr. Samuelson?"

"Yeah, I guess…" Mr. Samuelson answered. He always liked the high pitched, cute little voiced the turrets had, especially when they were finished lightening their load on other targets. He even used to work with voice calibration, something many Aperture employees saw as job best given to those with little scientific knowledge.

The man rolled his eyes and returned to the turret. "My name's Dr. Richard, I'm here to make sure you're alright." He said, picking up a spare side panel from a nearby desk. "Here, let me replace that dented part with a completely new one." He dethatched the left side shell from the turret, causing temporary distrust. "Don't worry." The man fastened the spare side panel onto the turret, and handed Mr. Samuelson the dented one.

After accepting the new piece, the turret began to process the proper emotional response. "You're welcome."

The man laughed as he fell back into his chair. "You sure are adorable." The man continued to check the turret for any imperfections it could've experienced during the fall. "Well, if I've ever seen a perfect turret, its gotta be this one. A little down in the apology sector, but other than that it seems fine."

The man waved to the turret. "Say goodnight."

"Goodnight."

And with that, the turret re-entered hibernation mode, shutting down all of its systems.

The man returned to his former occupation of making sure production was going along smoothly. Staring out of his window towards the different systems of tubes and conveyor belts. "Hey Sam, before you take this defective panel away do you think you can do something for me?"

"Yes Dr. Cox?"

"Be sure to put this turret in storage, it seems fine to me."

"Will do." Sam held the lightweight tool of destruction in his hands along with the defective panel. "I wonder if you'll ever be used…" he said, leaving the production observation annex.

~X~X~X~X~X~

Alone…

Empty…

A solitary existence.

Many turrets come and go, but it stayed there, waiting. For that was all it could do. It wasn't awake to see anything happen, and it certainly wouldn't be singled out anytime soon.

Days, months, years, time passed, and the turret was left separated from its long lost friend. It seemed there was no hope for the turret. It was no longer needed, no longer important. Other models were being built at a rapid pace, but nobody cared to use some of the older models.

Until…

The turret was once again abruptly woken up by a strange source. However, this time, it didn't seem to be human, but instead sounded to be a robot. "Turret model #0056390, you have been chosen to perform a defensive test. Complete this test, and your greatness will be recognized throughout the Enrichment Center." The turret felt itself being carried by a large metal hand, letting it down in front of a wall. Now it was facing a long hallway, and by the looks of it, it was time to get to work. "Run through testing code 029-00-998."

The turret activated the laser sight. Now was its time to shine, now was the time of proving, now was the time to show it was more than just a machine, now, was the time to live its purpose. If only model 0056389 was here, then they could shoot dummies together.

A light glimmered over at the edge of the room, meaning that it was time to get ready. The turret activated its laser sight, and aimed down the hallway. An entire minute passed, and the turret was still aiming, waiting for a dummy to be sighted.

The light at the end of the hallway changed as a shadow appeared on the hallway, followed by what looked like a moving dummy poking its head off to the side. "Who's there?" The turret reacted by firing off a few bullets, so that no dummy would be able to get past.

But just as fast as it appeared, the target left, without a trace. "Are you still there?"

Nothing, only the long, narrow hallway. That didn't make much sense. Dummies weren't supposed to dodge bullets, and they certainly weren't supposed to be sentient.

The turret retracted the side compartments. "Sentry mode activated."

Without warning, the turret found itself falling through the air for no reason. "AWOWOWOWO!" Somehow, it found itself falling into a room filled with companion cubes. It hit the ground and started to violently spray bullets everywhere. But after a few seconds, it slowly came to the realization that it was lying on its side, useless. With no way to get up, the turret accepted defeat.

"Shutting down…."

~X~X~X~X~X~

"Ok ok, now listen. All you have to do, is step on that button! Yes! That's it! Nothing complicated, just step, on, the button."

The turret was woken up by an intense pain going through its system. Looking for answers through its processor, if came up with a horrific conclusion. The immense pain was being generated by its core system not being in its proper place. Instead, it was drastically modified in order to change it into a completely new being, a monster.

The turret no longer had any bullets inside of it, and its purpose was no longer to stay in a stationary position. It had been transformed into a nightmarish mix of turret and cube.

The unimaginable pain was too much for the poor little turret to take. All it wanted now was for death to end it. It turned its attention towards a button lying in the center of the room. If only it could reach it, if only somehow –

"Hello… OWOWOW!" The voice of a turret attached to the same cube cried out in pain. Something wasn't the same though, for whenever it reacted, both of them reacted. It was as if they were somehow connected.

Then came the horrific conclusion. It wasn't any normal turret. It was #1, the one he'd met with all those years ago. "Hell-

The turret couldn't finish, the pain was too much. Both the mutated turrets wallowed in agony, only staying activated by the comforting voice of each other.

"Are you still the… All Aperture… Goodbye… Entering… Science…" The two continued on rambling their nonsense, as their systems went absolutely crazy. All they wished for now, was death.

"Finally! YES! I was beginning to think you all had no idea how to finish anything, but… I guess I was wrong, so… that works."

The turrets saw a door open, revealing something that would usually initiate a great fear within them, but now, it was a sign of freedom. The emancipation grille.

Both turrets struggled to get moving, since their legs were recently converted so they could properly walk. However, walking only increased the already massive amounts of pain. But they kept on, two friends, set towards a goal.

One of #2's legs gave way, meaning they now had to hop towards the emancipation grille with sudden bursts, instead of steady movement.

The pain only got worse, as they neared closer and closer towards the emancipation grille. Now they were only a few feet from the door, soon, they'd be free, forever.

This time, both of #1's legs bent backwards, making it useless. Now, all that could be done in order to move them was the slow pulling caused by #2's single leg.

The two fused turrets neared closer and closer, until they reached to door. When they got there, they processed that everything else was home free, all they had to do to relieve the horrific pain was get a few feet further.

Out of nowhere, the door closed on the companion cube, restricting the already minimal movement. "NOOO!" The turrets screamed in pain. "NO! NOo0o0oO0OO0o!"

The turrets frantically tried to scoot forward, just somehow move forward by any means.

With one last push, the exhausted, turrets finally moved past the door, the emancipation grille standing a mere inches in front of them.

Finally. This was it. Everything that they'd ever experienced, the assembly, the meeting, the testing, being woken up by those strange people, being woken up by that strange robot, and finally, being woken up by the monumental pain that still held on to them.

Turret #2 mustered all its strength in order to turn and face his only friend.

"I… love you…" It said, following through with the robotic equivalent of shedding tears.

"I love you too…"

And with that, the turrets both leaned with all their power into the emancipation grille. They both connected to each other, as they felt the last pulse of pain grip them, as they soon faded from existence…

~X~X~X~X~X~

Author's notes: **You: *sob* *sob* "How could you?"**

**Me: "Relax, its not like that really happened."**

**You: "I know but… how?" **

**Me: Because "I likez messing with you guys."**

**You: "Oh, well that explains it…"**

**Me: "You're still going to favorite the story correct?"**

**You: "Why of course I will Mr. Skip!"**


End file.
